Thursday, September 15, 2005
Feeling Helpless.
I have a very dear friend in Utah who is one of the finest human beings I have ever met. He is super intelligent and has a phenomenal sense of humor, he is interesting and compassionate and has a deep love for the world around him. He is dedicated to his family and is one of those people you know you can count on to help in a pinch.
I've known him since we were eleven years old, so I've watched him grow from a boy into the man he is today and I can honestly say I've never seen him do anything that would ever put his good character into question. He is a teacher and he is wonderful with children and animals, he's attractive too, not in a GQ sort of way but in a solid, masculine, accessable way.
The tragedy of my friend is that he is alone. He wants to marry and have children, he wants to share his life with someone. Unfortunately my friend suffers from terrible depression and it has severely handicapped him. He is incapable of mustering the energy it takes to socialize and when he does manage the energy his thoughts saboutage all his encounters before they ever occur.
Medication and therapy haven't helped him at all. In fact his body reacts to medications in a very negative way. It breaks my heart.
He frequently talks of killing himself and I don't know what to say to him. I try to help him see the positive things in life and I let him know that I love him and my life is richer because I know him. Unfortunately, the longer we go the less weight these arguments hold for him.
I so want him to be happy and fulfilled. I so want for him to experience the joys of life. I love him so much and I want to keep him safe from himself. I just don't see any way that I can do it.
I've known him since we were eleven years old, so I've watched him grow from a boy into the man he is today and I can honestly say I've never seen him do anything that would ever put his good character into question. He is a teacher and he is wonderful with children and animals, he's attractive too, not in a GQ sort of way but in a solid, masculine, accessable way.
The tragedy of my friend is that he is alone. He wants to marry and have children, he wants to share his life with someone. Unfortunately my friend suffers from terrible depression and it has severely handicapped him. He is incapable of mustering the energy it takes to socialize and when he does manage the energy his thoughts saboutage all his encounters before they ever occur.
Medication and therapy haven't helped him at all. In fact his body reacts to medications in a very negative way. It breaks my heart.
He frequently talks of killing himself and I don't know what to say to him. I try to help him see the positive things in life and I let him know that I love him and my life is richer because I know him. Unfortunately, the longer we go the less weight these arguments hold for him.
I so want him to be happy and fulfilled. I so want for him to experience the joys of life. I love him so much and I want to keep him safe from himself. I just don't see any way that I can do it.
posted by GodlessMom, 6:49 AM
12 Comments:
BarbaraFromCalifornia said:
Posted at 9:32 AM
Kristie said:
That is a very frustrating feeling isnt it? i had a friend (we grew up together as well) who was like that for years. My friend did however begin to make some progress. Of course, that was just in time to be killed in an accident by some jek-off drunk driver. So, i never got to see how far he would have come.
The best you can do is just continue to do what you have been doing and be as supportive as possible and let him know how important he is to you, then you have done all you can.
The best you can do is just continue to do what you have been doing and be as supportive as possible and let him know how important he is to you, then you have done all you can.
Posted at 9:32 AM
Aerodynamicist said:
Internet dating has helped a lot of my less social friends find relationships; it's less stressful than hoping to randomly meet someone somewhere. Other than that, just keep doing what you're doing, I suppose; it's so hard to help those suffering from depression. Good luck.
Posted at 12:38 PM
Meegan said:
This is so sad. And it's a terrible feeling to want so desperately to help but not being able to do so. I feel like there HAS to be something that will help. I really hope he finds it.
Posted at 1:46 PM
TLP said:
You can't save him. But you can do what you are doing. Reach out and tell him you care.
If he is as depressed as I think he is, it probably isn't his situation that makes him depressed. Rather his depression is causing the situation. He probably needs medication. For some, it works.
If he is as depressed as I think he is, it probably isn't his situation that makes him depressed. Rather his depression is causing the situation. He probably needs medication. For some, it works.
Posted at 2:38 PM
nigel paddell said:
I've been this guy. On bad days I still am.
I don't believe that my problem was ever chemical. I just accepted from a very young age that I was simply not going to be loved.
I felt sad and angry and sorry for myself for many years but I now think the problem was my attitude rather than the lack of anybody that wanted to rescue me.
Now I think that I have to save myself, but I don't have to do it alone. I'm hoping for the faith to believe that I can be loved.
I've been him and I can get better. Here's to him, and the hope that he can find his worth.
I don't believe that my problem was ever chemical. I just accepted from a very young age that I was simply not going to be loved.
I felt sad and angry and sorry for myself for many years but I now think the problem was my attitude rather than the lack of anybody that wanted to rescue me.
Now I think that I have to save myself, but I don't have to do it alone. I'm hoping for the faith to believe that I can be loved.
I've been him and I can get better. Here's to him, and the hope that he can find his worth.
Posted at 5:30 PM
Fred said:
I feel so helpless when I can't make a difference when someone needs help. I struggle every year with the students who need someone in their life, but for some reason, they won't let someone help them.
Good luck - keep trying. You never know.
Good luck - keep trying. You never know.
Posted at 7:25 PM
Lila said:
Depression is such a terrible illness. I hope your friend can find something to ease his pain. He sounds like a great person. You're a good friend, too.
Posted at 8:41 PM
Stella Magdalen said:
I'm preparing to try neuro-feedback, as I don't trust the drugs. I hear there have been some spectacular results.
Posted at 9:00 AM
Lucy Stern said:
I wonder if he is bi-polar. It's like depression but worse. I have a friend who is by polar and she has three beautiful girls. She lives with her mom and dad and they help out a lot with the children. She goes to the VA hospital down by Herman Park and sees the doctors there. She was in the military until all of this hit. They have tried all kinds of medicines on her and sometimes they find the right combination to help her. When she starts getting better, she seems to think she doesn't need her medicine anymore and she quits taking it. Then she's back in the circle of needing to get new medicine to help her. It's a vicious cycle.
Keep up what you are doing and (I was going to say, pray for him). I'll pray for him. I'm glad he has a friend who cares so much for him. Good luck!
Keep up what you are doing and (I was going to say, pray for him). I'll pray for him. I'm glad he has a friend who cares so much for him. Good luck!
Posted at 6:49 PM
United We Lay said:
Tell him to go back to school. He'll meet people in class in a non-threatening way and can ease into a relationship.
Posted at 9:01 PM
GreatSheElephant said:
I'm not sure about Internet dating frankly - if your self esteem is at all shaky it can be a horrific experience.
I really feel for your friend and identify with some of what you say he experiences. Might I suggest something called the Hoffman Process? I can't claim for sure it will work but I've seen it make a big difference to some people and it does address issues that contribute to isolation and depression.
Hugs to your friend and to you for realising you can't fix him but for caring about him so much nonetheless.
I really feel for your friend and identify with some of what you say he experiences. Might I suggest something called the Hoffman Process? I can't claim for sure it will work but I've seen it make a big difference to some people and it does address issues that contribute to isolation and depression.
Hugs to your friend and to you for realising you can't fix him but for caring about him so much nonetheless.
Posted at 5:06 AM
About Me
- Name: GodlessMom
- Location: Houston, Texas, United States
I was born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah. I've been happily married for ten years to someone I've known since I was eleven years old. We are the parents of a wonderful four year old girl.
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Previous Entries
- To Liz on her first day of Kindergarten
- I see your true colors shining through
- I'll be back on Wednesday
- Welcome to Houston, now go away!
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- Holy S***t, Now what?
- It's really, really bad.
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Be well.