Godless Mom in the Bible Belt

I have a sister, we are nothing alike. We share the same parents, and hence a large portion of DNA, but that is where the similarity ends.

Jane is 21 years older than I. She was married and had two kids of her own before I came along as a mid-life surprise to my parents. I didn't grow up with Jane, I never fought over the bathroom with Jane and up until the last 8 years or so, I really didn't know Jane.

Jane has issues with men. Her first husband was an abusive SOB and I rarely saw my sister when I was a child because she was ashamed of the bruises he inflicted. She divorced him when I was ten and immediately turned around and married hubby number 2, the drug addict. Mr. Drug Addict is rarely physically abusive, but he spent the first 23 years of their marriage putting my sister through the emotional wringer like you wouldn't believe. She finally got fed up and left him two years ago but never actually got around to divorcing him. The fact that my sister finally put her foot down made Mr. Drug Addict do an inventory of his life and he has managed to stay sober for almost 18 months now, he is a much nicer person to be around.

I'm glad he's got his shit together because my sister loves him and 6 months ago she was diagnosed with cancer. Leukemia and lymphoma to be exact. She loves Mr. Drug Addict and I'm glad she has him right now because she needs the support.

Jane is a very religious person. I don't mean in the dogmatic sort of way, her spirituality is very private. She has a personal relationship with her god that helps her through difficult times and gives meaning to her life. This belief has provided her great comfort during the AA meetings and chemotherapy, the marriage counseling and hospitalizations. I also believe (although this belief is based only on personal observation, not on anything she has said) that her faith has become a much more important part of her life since she has had this string of crises.

So, it came as no surprise last Christmas when Jane asked me point blank, "What made you decide to become an atheist?"

I had to laugh a bit at the way she phrased the question. I didn't "decide" to become an atheist. I didn't wake up one morning and think, You know? Today I think I'll break my mother's heart, befuddle my father, fly in the face of everything I've ever been taught and willingly join a group that many people rank only slightly above child-molesters. Yeah, that's a good idea.

It is rare to meet someone who has always been an atheist. Most of us are raised with some sort of religious training. The majority of us who are now atheists have at some point in time shrugged off religious thinking for one reason or another. The journey to atheism is as individual as the person who takes it, there is no book to follow, no support group and it isn't something one strives to attain. It just happens, over the course of a life when questions go unanswered, when the answers one is given are contradictory and when all that you have been taught falls away under the light of careful examination.

The next series of posts will be a summary of my spiritual journey thus far. It is not meant to de-convert anyone nor is it meant as a challenge to the personal spiritual beliefs of others. It is just my story and perhaps it will provide some answers to Jane's question.