Godless Mom in the Bible Belt

I want to thank everyone for all of your wise comments regarding my post on Friday. I've decided to let the name GodlessMom stand. For better or for worse I AM a godless mom, changing my name would be like going back in the closet. I didn't like it there, it was dark and lonely.

So, on a different note, there have been a lot of animal posts lately so I'm going to jump on the band wagon. I've got some critter tales to tell!

I love dogs. I can't imagine living without one (or two or three.) That being said, I don't love ALL dogs. Dogs are like people, most are fabulous individuals and your life is definitely richer through knowing them. On the other hand, some of them are just assholes.

Prior to becoming a mom, I was a veterinary technician for twelve years. Part of my job was to assist the doctors with artificial insemination procedures. Now, it is great that we can do this. It prevents injury in mares by inexperienced and overly rambunctious stallions, you can breed a bitch to a stud that is on the other side of the country without the two ever coming in contact, it definitely has it's uses.

When working in Salt Lake in the late 80s we had a Chow breeder who was a regular at our hospital. This woman's animals were physically beautiful. I'm not a big fan of the breed but if you like the looks of a Chow you would LOVE the looks of her stock. Their temperaments on the other hand were another thing altogether. Every one of the pups that came out of her kennel were among the most foul-tempered creatures I've ever encountered. I've got more than a few scars on my hands and arms from bites that were inflicted by those cute little teddy bears.

The king of her kennel was a big red stud that I'll call Rusty. I respect animals and the damage they can do and I take every precaution to prevent injury to myself, my patient and my doctors when I am at work. That being said, there are very few animals I've ever worked with that I actually feared. I've gotten more than a few good adrenaline rushes but with proper handling (and sedatives) almost any animal can be controlled safely. Rusty was one of the few animals that struck pure, raw, uncontaminated fear into my heart.

This dog was so mean he would growl and lunge at his lead as soon as anyone walked into the room. We had to ask the breeder to bring the dog in through the back door for fear he would attack the other animals in the waiting room. You could no sooner get near him without drugs than you could get near a wild grizzly. So the day his breeder paraded him into our clinic and told us she wanted us to collect a semen sample for artificial insemination was the first day I ever considered quitting and walking out the door.

Collecting a semen sample from a dog is not something most people would ever want to do. There is no magic potion you can give the dog which will make him compliantly ejaculate into a sterile container. Veterinary hospitals don't have windowless rooms with a TV and wide selection of doggie porn. The only way to collect a sample from a stud dog is to(forgive my crassness) manually jerk him off. Yes, I've done this numerous times and yes I'm quite good at it. (grin)

Now, if I were the doctor I would have told this breeder that in no uncertain terms would we ever be party to continuing the genetic line of that hairy baracuda. I think it is highly irresponsible to breed an animal for looks with no regard to temperament. But I wasn't the one who had to try and pay the bills for the hospital every month so the doctor told the breeder that we would give it a try.

The first thing you have to do is set the mood. Take the stud to a quiet room and bring in a bitch who is in season (without the scent of a bitch the stud will not usually get an erection) It doesn't have to be the bitch you want to inseminate, any bitch will do so long as she smells like she is ready to go.

Well, we brought in the bitch and Rusty tried to attack her. We found another bitch and Rusty tried to attack her too. The stupid SOB was so damned mean he couldn't even set his aggression aside long enough to get laid! So we slipped him a little valium in hopes of taking the edge off, no luck, he still tried to attack the bitch. So we took a towel and got some of the bitch's scent on it and tried waving it in front of his nose. He tore up the towel. We tried a little more sedative and he bit the breeder (better her than me.) Finally, the doctor gave up and the breeder took her half-drugged dog home.

Two weeks later we euthanized Rusty. He had mauled the breeder's five year old grandson and the boy was going to have to go through tons of plastic surgery to put his face and arm back together. Fortunately Rusty's line died with him because we never were able to get a semen sample from the land shark. I have to admit it, I was glad to see that dog die.

I feel horrible for that boy. He is a young man now and I hope that he has healed well, both physically and emotionally. I'm sure the breeder feels horrible about the attack but I have only limited sympathy for her. I'm sure she loved Rusty, but he was a dangerous animal with a history of unchecked and unpredictable aggression. The attack was preventable, I can only hope she learned her lesson.