Godless Mom in the Bible Belt

Boy, what a week! My sister Jane had planned to drive from Denver with her husband to pick up a piece of furniture that my mother and father had given her. The piece is sitting in my garage along with all the other crap my family has hoarded over the years.

She was supposed to arrive Wednesday evening. At 1:30 Wednesday afternoon I received a phone call from her. She had obviously been crying. She told me that she and her husband had been fighting and that they weren't coming to Houston after all. I asked her where she was, she told me she was less than 20 miles from my house. She had driven all the way from Denver to within 20 miles of my home just to turn around and go back.

I didn't know exactly what to say. My mind started running over all the work I had done over the course of the week to prepare for her visit and all the money I had spent on extra food but I put these rather uncharitable thoughts away. I asked her to be careful on the return trip, to call me when she got back to Denver and let me know she had arrived safely. We hung up.

One hour later she called again. She told me she was coming to my home for a short visit then she would go back to Denver. Okay, so I put away the laundry I had been doing and made some iced tea.

They arrived at 3:00 and we actually had a nice visit. My brother in law and I had a good talk and some hearty laughs. I thanked him for all the support he has given Jane during her chemotherapy and I told him I was impressed by his progress in kicking drugs. I had been a bit nervous about our meeting and I could tell that he too was nervous at the beginning but we moved beyond it quickly and were soon talking like family.

My sister on the other hand seemed distant and distracted. I could tell that she was nervous but I couldn't tell why. I asked her what she wanted me to tell our parents about her change in plans, she started crying and told me that she was afraid to tell my mom that she didn't want the piece of furniture that she had ostensibly driven from Denver to pick up out of my garage. Apparently she had found another piece in Denver that she liked better and no longer wanted the piece my parents had offered. Now, my mom is a kind and reasonable person. The fact that my sister was stressed about telling Mom that she no longer wanted the silly furniture is ridiculous because quite honestly my mom doesn't care one way or another. However, Jane had herself tied in knots about the whole thing. I thought it was weird but I later found out I had just begun to scratch the surface of the weird stuff going on in my sister's mind.

At 8:00 they left and went to my parents house for another "quick visit" before their return trip to Denver. I breathed a sigh of relief after they said goodbye, I love my sister very much, but she confuses me, I'm always walking on egg shells for fear I'll say something that offends, as a result I was glad to see them go. I figured I could get back to business as usual. No such luck.

The next morning Liz and I were out in the backyard having a water fight and kicking around a big beach ball when Jane called from a local hotel. She and her husband had stayed at my parents house until after midnight and rather than start driving back to Denver immediately they had decided to get some sleep. Well, I guess she had a change of heart during the night and she asked if she could come back to my home and go ahead with the original plan.

I tried to put a smile in my voice and I told her that I would love for her to come back. They arrived soon after and we were actually able to talk for a bit. She admitted to making a mountain out of a mole hill where the furniture was concerned and then she admitted the other cause of the stress she was feeling. She said that she was nervous that my parents and I wouldn't accept her and her husband as a couple again after the falling out we had over his drug addiction. Now, this is a normal reaction and completely understandable. She wasn't the only one who was apprehensive about the meeting. However, I had expressed to both her and her husband on numerous occasions that I wanted to try and work things out and put all of this behind us. My parents have done the same. I told her that I wished she had talked to me instead of keeping this bottled up inside, it would have made it much easier on all of us

She then went on to tell us how hurt her husband had been by the rejection of our family almost two years ago and how many of the words I had said still ate at him. I told her that I am impressed with the progress he has made and I am grateful to him for all the help he has given her over the course of her cancer treatment but I have no intention of apologizing for the things I said. I feel like they were justified and I feel that he needed to hear them. She looked rather shocked when I told her that I wouldn't apologize, but I don't think I have anything to apologize for and I won't play that game just to appease him.

I can be a curt and abbrasive in my dealings with my sister. I've found that I have to be very blunt with her in order to get her to really listen to my feelings. If I try to sugar coat things in an attempt to avoid hurting her feelings she frequently misses the points I try to make. I'm sure that this may have something to do with why she is hesitant to discuss things with me and why she was afraid of my reaction to her husband. I need to try and find a way to be blunt without seeming heartless. My sister is fragile and I don't want to hurt her or add to her stress level. I have a lot to learn.

In the end everything was fine but what a strange beginning.

They are gone now, Scott is back from his NYC business trip and Liz is peacefully asleep upstairs. All is right with the world and my garage is still filled with my family's crap.