Godless Mom in the Bible Belt

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Martha Stewart Doesn't Live Here

I am a horrible housekeeper.

I can fake it when I must, but honestly I just don't know how people do it!

I never thought I would be a stay at home mom. My mother always worked, and it never occurred to me that I actually might go through a period of my life where I didn't have an official job. I'm not complaining, I'm so grateful to Scott for all the hard work he puts in which allows me to stay home with Liz. But honestly, I'm clueless when it comes to housework.

I think part of my problem is the fact that I'm not a linear thinker. I will get halfway through loading the dishwasher when I realize that the bathroom mirror has spots. I'll be cleaning those spots off the mirror when it occurs to me that the cat box needs new litter. The result? A whole house full of half-finished work. It is really frustrating.

You know the saying "Everything is bigger in Texas?" Well, that is definitely the case when it comes to houses in the Houston suburbs. Scott and I moved from a 1300 sq ft house in Phoenix to a 3500 sq ft house in Houston. Why in the world we need four toilets for a family with only three butts is beyond me, but we were enamored with the big houses and the buyers market when we moved here and so 3500 sq ft is what I have to contend with.

I know people in my neighborhood who have houses even larger than my own who manage to keep them clean and presentable all the time. How do people do this? I just don't get it. Do they ignore their children? Do they never read the news? Do they skip trips to the zoo in favor of cleaning the shower? I know they must have some sort of system but I'll be damned if I can figure out a system of my own.

I've gone through periods of time when I managed to maintain the house in a state of organized cleanliness but when I'm in that zone I don't like myself very much. I follow my child around like some obsessive housework fascist making her pick up every toy as soon as she sets it down and I discourage every activity which might result in a mess. When my husband comes home from work he runs the risk of enraging a banshee should he drop his socks in the middle of the living room.

I know there is a happy medium in there somewhere. A place between chaos and fascist banshee but try as I might I have yet to find it.
posted by GodlessMom, 5:52 AM

11 Comments:

Blogger Meegan said:

My mom was (is) a terrible housekeeper, too. A couple of years ago my sister made a comment about growing up in a (fairly) messy house with a mom who was also a terrible cook. That's true, but it made me realize what a wonderful home I did grow up in. My mom's top priority was my sister and me. I would rather look back on a childhood with parents who constantly told us how much they loved us and read to us and took us to lots of interesting places than to a childhood with a mom who devoted all her energy to a spotless kitchen!
Posted at 8:41 AM  

Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said:

When you find that happy medium, do let me know!

I told myself many years ago, that having it all was an illusion, a deception. Then one day, I realised, I did not really want it all. Housekeeping is the last priority on my list. Now that the kids are gone, however, it is much easier, and the house looks fairly good most of the time!
Posted at 9:13 AM  

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said:

If I can ever design a house here is what I would do.

1. All the good stuff would be bolted to the floor. All the loose but important stuff would be stored inside something that was bolted to the floor.

2. The house would have hydrolics. The house would be able to lift itself off the foundation, and the roof would be able to open up like a book.

3. Once a week I would turn the house upside down and open the roof. Then high pressure water hoses would go to work. Kind of like an autoamtic dishwasher for a house.

But here are some things I can do now.

1. Only own enough dishes to fit in the dishwasher. Clean dishes are ALWAYS in the dishwasher. Who needs cabinets? Dirty stuff goes in the sink. When the sink is full, the dishwasher is empty. Fill it up and press START.

2. The washing machine makes a GREAT dirty clothes hamper. The dryer makes a good closet. Dirty clothes go into the washer, clean clothes are in the dryer. One day wrinkles will be in style, and I will be way ahead of the fashion curve.
Posted at 12:44 PM  

Blogger GodlessMom said:

Ah! A man after my own heart!
Posted at 2:03 PM  

Blogger Liz said:

Meegan and I have very different mothers. As Meegan can attest to, my mom’s house is spotless. However, that meant on Saturday morning, I had to get up and dust a 4200 square foot (3 full floors) house. Yes, it taught me to be a bit anal myself, but I hated it as a kid. She was still a great mom, but fun-loving is not her middle name. The point is to find a balance. Pick a day to do the vacuuming. Dust if you can the next. Right now, my husband and I are tackling moving into a home that was occupied by an elderly couple (my grandparents) for 21 years. The family tried to help them while they were alive, but there was soooooo much crap, we have to tackle one section at a time. I hope to have it to a condition where it is not embarrassing by the end of summer. I have grown up with my rigidly clean tendencies, and I have learned to relax them. They are not the most important thing. Enjoy your kids while they are still “yours”. Soon enough, you will be replaced with friends and boyfriends. You can clean your house then.

and meegan's mom is one of the best i know. i just love that woman!
Posted at 2:53 PM  

Blogger Liz said:

And besides -- Texas housewives are in a “Stepford” league of their own. I don't know how they do it either.
Posted at 2:56 PM  

Blogger dddragon said:

Lucinda Sans, Aral and I grew up in a Real House Cleaner's house: Tan Lucy Pez. She vacuumed the entire house every day. We didn't do cleaning or cooking 'cause it was easier for her to do it. Before you think I'm being harsh: Lucinda & I married guys who are excellent housecleaners! So we came out better in the end, right?

I'm the kind of housekeeper that would rather buy clothes than wash 'em and had grey underwear from washing them with jeans.

(psst, don't tell Tan Lucy, but Kiddie A once ate a dustbunny ... THEN I vacuumed)

Ooops, the DH is calling ~ dinner is ready.
Posted at 5:12 PM  

Blogger TLP said:

Oh darn. One of my daughters, dddragon, saw this post. I was going to try to figure out a way to keep them from seeing it. Yes, I was overly attentive to housework when I was young. And yes, I did vacuum the entire house every single day, and dust too. Just plain anal. Tell you what: I wish I had those hours back. Those hours that I spent cleaning so much. Err on the side of messy and spend the time with the kids, husband, dog, cat, reading.

(I never knew about that dust bunny that one of the twins ate, but it didn't kill her, so I guess it's okay.)
Posted at 5:26 PM  

Blogger dAAve said:

You ask how your neighbors do it?

They don't blog. Of course.
Posted at 7:20 PM  

Blogger Lila said:

Yeah, Tan Lucy Pez's cleaning prowess did not rub off on me, either. My wife is also a slob. So, we just live in a sty. 'sall good!
Posted at 8:49 PM  

Blogger Urban Chick said:

oooh, you sound like me!

i flit between chores and then nothing really gets done

but my kids are happy (well, they haven't said as much, but hopefully they too will realise when they're, er, 18 or sth!)
Posted at 6:34 AM  

Add a comment