Godless Mom in the Bible Belt

I think I was about seven years old when I started to put the power of femininity into play. In my second grade class there was a young man named Mark, everyone called him Doggie. Doggie sat in the desk behind me near the window in the back of our classroom. Because of the proximity of our desks, Doggie and I were frequently paired during class activities and we soon became fast friends. There was a difference in this friendship though, it was the first time I had ever had a friend with whom I wanted to spend time alone and it wasn't long before I realized that Doggie felt the same way. If I walked off alone during recess Doggie would soon follow, if I got up during class to sharpen my pencil Doggie would meet me at the back of the class and would sharpen the pencil for me. There was a headiness in the knowledge that without directly asking I could get him to do my bidding. There was no malice in the thought and no disrespect for Doggie, it was simply the discovery and acknowledgement of a previously unknown power.

Over the years I, like millions of other women before me, honed the skill and perfected it's use. A lingering gaze, a shy smile, the exaggerated sway of hips...Through trial and error I learned how to use my sexuality to my benefit.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not some femme fatale and I'm not what Hall and Oates would call a "Man eater." I'm just your average female who learned that in certain situations feminine wiles can come in handy. I think it is a perfectly natural and normal part of being female. In a world dominated by men, women have had to learn to press what advantages we do possess. Occasionally, when brawn is lacking and brains don't do the trick we can still manage to get our way through implied promise of things to come.

While I do feel this is a normal part of being female it is so sad and disastrous when the use of feminine wiles becomes an individual's modus operandi. There is nothing more pitiful than a woman who's entire idea of self worth is tied up in how well she can manipulate men. There is nothing more sad than a woman who's need for endless admiration prompts her to string men along, causing confusion and heartbreak.

There is one such woman who runs in my neighborhood social circles, she has gone through a string of men over the last four years with seemingly no regard to her two children. I often watch her in social situations and I can't help but wonder what went wrong. At what point did she start equating her own value with the attention she gets from men? At what point did men become so dehumanized in her mind that they ceased to be people with feelings and became a tool to use for her own advancement?

I wouldn't trade being female for anything. I love the softness and curves, the pretty scents and silky fabrics. I love the way my mind works when it is at it's most female. But human sexuality is a double edged sword and when it goes wrong, it goes wrong in a big way and usually ends up cutting the one who pretends to wield it.