Godless Mom in the Bible Belt

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Insomnia

I hate it when I can't sleep.

Here I am at 2:00 in the morning, sitting in the living room listening to the faucet in the kitchen drip. I've got to fix that. Why does it sound so much louder now than it does during the day?

I still haven't heard from the shelter regarding the puppies, I'm disappointed but I suppose I still might hear from them later on this week.

Last night's episode of Lost was really weak. They tried to make out this huge conflict between the man of faith versus the man of science. All they succeeded in doing was to make both characters look like fools by putting them in a stupid situation and having them act in totally illogical ways. I like Lost very much, the characters are very well written and complex. All shows have bad episodes but last night's was especially bad because the bar has been set so high by all the episodes that came before.

I found something that cracked me up. It is a sarcastic bit of bile toward Christian fundamentalists, so if you don't like that sort of thing you might want to skip the next bit. I found it at a site called evilbible.com. I'm not endorsing the site, I haven't spent enough time there to know what it's all about...I'm just tellin' ya where I found the following list. (Number four is the one that really gets me!)

You know you're a fundamentalist Christian when...

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

GodlessMom Disclaimer...No, I don't believe all Christians are like the above mentioned Christians. No, I'm not slamming the religion, I'm simply slamming the zealots. I don't like zealots, they bug me.

Okay, I'm kind of grumpy so I'm going to try to go back to bed now.
posted by GodlessMom, 1:53 AM

14 Comments:

Blogger dAAve said:

I haven't checked the site, but there must be hundreds more to add to that list. It's great!
Thanks.
Nothing wrong with insomnia as long as you don't lose much sleep over it.
Posted at 4:50 AM  

Blogger dddragon said:

We're having a battle between Science and Religion in Harrisburg right now. The great great grandson of Darwin came to the Federal Courthouse to observe.
Posted at 5:47 AM  

Blogger United We Lay said:

Glad you found this. I'm saving it for a rainy day! Oh wait. Today is really rainy. Hope you get some sleep. I suffer from insomnia often.
Posted at 9:08 AM  

Blogger Kristie said:

I feel your pain on the insomnia. I was up til 330-ish myself. You notice that the later it gets and the more tired you are, the more these things bother you? Zealots of any religion drive me nuts too. I run in to many christian ones tho, so as it stands they bug me the most lately. Sorry to all you good, normal christians out there.
Posted at 9:21 AM  

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said:

Kierkegaard said that religion requires a "blind leap of faith". He came up with this statement because he spend his live trying to talk to god, but never heard any voices in his head.

I stopped worrying about offending the evangelicals long ago. They do not worry about offending anyone else. They will gladly tell a jewish person that unless they accept Jesus, they will go to hell.

Therefore, I have no problem telling them I am descended from Balaam - and the lord can make my ass talk just like he did in Numbers 22:28. Then I fart.
Posted at 10:23 AM  

Blogger TLP said:

Fun post. Sorry you couldn't sleep.

I was born and raised Christian. So I feel free to poke fun at them. I would never do that to a Jew or Muslim.

Of course, there's also the fact that the zealot fundamentalists make it so darn easy to make fun of them.
Posted at 12:02 PM  

Blogger Fred said:

Zealots are all around us, not only the religious kind. I just ignore all of them.
Posted at 12:58 PM  

Blogger Watson Woodworth said:

The think that always bothers me about the christians, and the fundie christians in particular isn't the total foolishness that they believe but the way they strut around like they own the place.
Sorry you couldn't sleep but at least you had a laugh at the expense of some tossers.
Posted at 4:32 PM  

Blogger Meegan said:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to email this to everyone I know. Brilliant.
Posted at 5:00 PM  

Blogger Lila said:

Yuck... I hate insomnia... Hope you sleep better tonight! At least you got to write a good blog entry, though.
Posted at 6:28 PM  

Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said:

Well, your lack of sleep is our good fortune! That list is priceless...I am going to copy and print it if you do not mind!

And the list goes on...

Hope you get some deserved rest today.
Posted at 10:14 PM  

Blogger Lucy Stern said:

You were up till 2:00am and I was up till 3:30am. because I took a late nap and I couldn't go back to sleep.

I think it's up to each and every person as to what they chooze to believe.
God didn't kill all the babies, the King decided to kill them. God didn't make that choice. I believe Heaven will have people from many faiths in it.
Posted at 10:49 PM  

Blogger Sum Kinda Princess said:

Quite the think tank you got going on there! I can hardly think in full sentences when I have insomnia, but you've accomplished a whole list. Huh...
Posted at 12:26 AM  

Blogger Blueberry said:

Thanks for that link! It's a keeper.
Posted at 6:48 AM  

Add a comment