Godless Mom in the Bible Belt

My husband, Scott, is the district IT manager of a large international company. One of his offices is in New Orleans. Needless to say, it is gone now. Unfortunately we haven't heard from any of his staff in that office. They had the foresight to get the hard drives out of their servers before the hurricane hit. My husband now has those hard drives and he will be setting up a temporary office in Baton Rouge to provide service for the New Orleans area.

One of Scott's co-workers has a son who works in the oil industry in New Orleans. This woman has been in touch with her son (he is safe on the oil company lands.)Apparently rescue workers have set up a base at his workplace and have been using it as a staging ground for getting people out of their flooded homes. Her son claims that the rescue workers have been shot by looters while trying to carry out rescues. The looters then steal their boats.

Many people are being evacuated here to Houston. The Astrodome will be used to house many of them. These people have lost everything and are desperate.

There is no way to explain how devastating this hurricane has been. Many people will never be able to go home and they are spending what little savings they have on their escape. Please, if you can, give to the American Red Cross.

Okay, I'm not sure why but I think this is hysterical.

Cindy Sheehan returned to her post outside Bush's ranch in Crawford after visiting with her mother who recently had a stroke. She isn't going away and neither are the other anti-war protesters who have rallied behind her.

There are large segments of the American population who believe that the troops should be brought home now. They claim (and rightly so, in my opinion) that our continued presence in Iraq is making the situation worse. Our current troop levels are insufficient to suppress and contain the insurgency long enough to train Iraqi troops to take over their own security and the fledgling Iraqi government we have created and are so intent on backing seems certain to bite the hand that provides it's security. Basically, these folks believe that we have moved beyond the point of anything good ever coming out of Iraq. They feel that no more lives should be lost in the direction of hopelessness.

Then, there are the folks who feel it would be unwise to just pull out of Iraq but believe it is time for a concrete exit strategy to be put into place. They don't feel that our continued indefinite presence is a good thing and they want our troops home. Yet they recognize the problems which our immediate withdrawal would cause and they want to try and avoid complete chaos, full blown civil war and an eventual hostile government (although I think that type of government is inevitable at this point.)

Then there are the "Stay the course" folks. They seem to think that setting a date for withdrawal would only empower the insurgents who would simply wait us out and then make their move. Unfortunately, staying the course is what got us here in the first place. I understand the logic behind not wanting to set a date but I don't see how "Staying the course" is any sort of solution to the problem at hand.

I honestly don't know what to think. I have opposed this war from the beginning and despise the lies and farmed intelligence which got us into this mess. But beating that dead horse doesn't get us anywhere. We are there and we have to deal with the situation as it currently stands, not as we wish it stood. I don't know that we are doing the Iraqi people any favors by our continued presence in their country, sure we are providing some segments of the population with security but our assistance is required because our presence stirs up conflict. It's a vicious cycle.

Much of our economy rests on stability in the Middle East. Whether I like it or not we ARE heavily reliant on their oil. Chaos in Iraq isn't good for anyone (especially us) but I honestly can't see order coming out of the current situation. Necessity is the mother of invention after all, perhaps without cheap Middle Eastern oil we will actually start putting some serious effort into alternative energy.

I guess I'm not smart enough to really figure this one out.

What do you guys think? Should we stay, should we pull out? Do you think we have a chance of succeeding in Iraq like Bush claims? What are the answers?

I'm going to be pretty busy over the next few weeks so my posts and comments may be a bit hit and miss until October.

Today I have a guest blogger! Don Swift agreed to play the 5 questions game and he has been kind enough to let me publish his answers here at GM in the BB. Mr. Swift has made some excellent observations on his blog regarding the crumpet vs. the bagel (May 24, 2005) for any of you who are a bit sketchy on the history of the American Revolution it is a must read!

My questions for Don are in bold.

There is a definite lack of international borders in the blogger world. Our communication is limited only by language and not geography. If you were to project the evolution of blogging fifty years into the future, what do you think you would find?

I think it's the evolution of computing in general that's going to evolve. Even now we use multimedia in our weblogs, but with progress in processing power, memory capacity, and connection bandwidths, I foresee audio and video coming to the fore. Perhaps we'll conduct guided tours around our homes, introducing the viewer to members of the family and showing off our prize geraniums. My fantasy though would be the introduction of virtually reality, in which we get the full sensurround, "feely effect" I don't need to tell you of its potential.

Here in the States you frequently hear people say they just don't "get" British humor (or humour, whichever spelling you prefer.) How would you define humor of the British sort and do you feel it differs from humor in the US?

My encounters with Americans bring me to believe there are no significant differences humour-wise. I think when people don't "get" comedy it's usually because they're not making the effort. They evaluate it on what they already know, so of course it disappoints. New and ground-breaking comedy usually requires a little effort. It reminds me of someone I used to know who dismissed foreign food on the grounds it didn't taste like the food he was used to - roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, now that's what proper food tastes like!! American comedy tends to have a higher tempo than ours, and there will always be references within it that we don't understand, but that cuts both ways. But it doesn't make it inaccessible (unless its all very obscure).

If you suddenly found that you had the ability to read minds, how would you put that talent to work?

I have a gut-feeling about how this kind of power would quickly become a nightmare. All knowledge would be accessible. All achievement would be effortless. It would be the royal road to power and riches. But would life be challenging (and therefore worthwhile) without obstacles? I don't think so. I think mind-reading would be a curse. I'd probably kill myself.

Do you hold out any hope for humanity?

I don't think there's ever been any evidence to show humanity is progressing. Okay, Science and technology have given us some brilliant party tricks, but they've done very little in the area where it counts - human behaviour. Okay, we have dubbed some esoteric practices the "behavioural sciences", but they only call themselves "science" to give it credibility. They're parasitic on the paradigm science, Physics. A lot of what they pass off as "knowledge" is pure speculation. Human beings are unpredictable. Why do you think Economics has been such a dismal failure over the past 50 years or so - "Rational economic man", anyone remember him? What a laugh. Anyway, I digress. As I don't consider us to be anything more than animals, albeit very complex, then I think we'll be around for as long as the environmental situation allows it. We have to take our chances just like any other species. So no, I don't hold out any hope, but I'm not unhappy with the situation. I would advise everyone to get on with it and not lose too much sleep over the future.

(GM note: It gets a little blue here for a moment. Definite PG-13)

What are your five favorite euphemisms for masturbation?

I don't suppose anyone would believe me if I tried to avoid this by claiming ignorance of the practice, so....

Favourites eh? Well, I don't consciously hierarchise words or phrases, especially of this nature, but I am fond of the phrase, "pulling one's pud (pudding)". "Pudding" is such a nice, inoffensive sort of word, making it almost impossible to believe blindness is an inevitable result of having a tug ("tug" is not one of the 5 by the way).

Okay, as I'm taking far too long over this so I'll speed up and bring it to a quick climax.

Next, we have, the "blue-veined solo". I used to attend a quiz night at a local pub and this is what some wag named his team. Moving more quickly now to "Throwing one off the wrist", which I think has a certain charm to it, as does "choking the chicken". The tempo quickens as I finish with the phrase I used all those years ago when I first realised you could do more than pee and stir the tea with it - "tossing off". Yes! Yes! Sigh.



Thanks Don! And on that When Harry Met Sally note I'll bid you all good weekend. I'll be back on Monday.

Yesterday I took Liz to the Houston Museum of Natural Science where we enjoyed several hours of butterflies, dinosaurs, minerals and chemistry. We have a family membership there and it is money well spent, it is our home away from home.

The high point of yesterday's trip was the IMAX movie Grand Canyon: The Hidden Secrets. It made me so incredibly homesick!

I'm a desert gal who currently resides in a swamp. Nothing against Houston, it definitely has it's own beauty, but nothing stirs my heart like the raw power and stark landscape of the American West. I grew up with the Grand Canyon in my backyard, the red rock cliffs and water-worn canyons were my playground. I was less than a day's drive from Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. Arches, Zion, Canyon Lands, Capitol Reef and Bryce Canyon National Parks were even closer than that.

I want to feel that wind on my face and stare into the crystal blue sky. I want to sit and run my bare toes through the red sand and watch the sunset from the top of those cliffs. I haven't been out of Texas in over three years. I'm probably the only liberal American who longs to escape the Bible Belt by going to Utah!

I got the new Pottery Barn catalog yesterday. It always makes me feel terribly inadequate and yet I can't help but look at it from cover to cover. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.

Most veterinary hospitals do an awful lot of work for animal charity, either free of charge or merely for the cost of supplies. For every veterinary hospital willing to do the work there are at least a dozen wildlife rehab or animal rescue organizations who are in dire need of veterinary assistance and who have very little money to pay for such services.

At the last hospital I worked for in Pheonix, the technicians would take turns volunteering their time to work with the charity cases. Usually this amounted to three to four hours a week of off-the-clock work, a small sacrifice when compared with the amount of good we could accomplish. I particularly enjoyed doing this sort of volunteer work because of the incredible variety of wildlife I came into contact with. I have had the privilege of working with many endangered species, many threatened species and many that are just plain cool.

I've helped pin broken bones on bald eagles, great horned owls, javelina and coyote. I've nursed beaver, Gila monster, porcupine and white tailed deer back to health. I've been involved in breeding and reintroduction programs for the highly endangered Mexican wolf and have help hand-raise numerous abandoned and orphaned infants of almost every species imaginable.

There are risks involved with such work. I was acquainted with someone who died of bubonic plague after being bitten by a flea while working with a wild jackrabbit population (His death was due to the fact that he thought he had the flu...By the time they figured out what was wrong with him it was too late.) I've been vaccinated against rabies the way most people are vaccinated against measles. You come home covered in fleas and smelling like wild game, you have to toss your clothes because the smell of male javelina urine doesn't wash out of anything. However, it is fascinating and heartwarming work and it's not something everyone gets a chance to do.

Wildlife rehab organizations are always in need of money, supplies and volunteers. The work they do is difficult and never ending. If you are so inclined and wish to help you can get in touch with rehab agencies through your veterinarian or your local Humane Society or ASPCA.

I want to thank everyone for all of your wise comments regarding my post on Friday. I've decided to let the name GodlessMom stand. For better or for worse I AM a godless mom, changing my name would be like going back in the closet. I didn't like it there, it was dark and lonely.

So, on a different note, there have been a lot of animal posts lately so I'm going to jump on the band wagon. I've got some critter tales to tell!

I love dogs. I can't imagine living without one (or two or three.) That being said, I don't love ALL dogs. Dogs are like people, most are fabulous individuals and your life is definitely richer through knowing them. On the other hand, some of them are just assholes.

Prior to becoming a mom, I was a veterinary technician for twelve years. Part of my job was to assist the doctors with artificial insemination procedures. Now, it is great that we can do this. It prevents injury in mares by inexperienced and overly rambunctious stallions, you can breed a bitch to a stud that is on the other side of the country without the two ever coming in contact, it definitely has it's uses.

When working in Salt Lake in the late 80s we had a Chow breeder who was a regular at our hospital. This woman's animals were physically beautiful. I'm not a big fan of the breed but if you like the looks of a Chow you would LOVE the looks of her stock. Their temperaments on the other hand were another thing altogether. Every one of the pups that came out of her kennel were among the most foul-tempered creatures I've ever encountered. I've got more than a few scars on my hands and arms from bites that were inflicted by those cute little teddy bears.

The king of her kennel was a big red stud that I'll call Rusty. I respect animals and the damage they can do and I take every precaution to prevent injury to myself, my patient and my doctors when I am at work. That being said, there are very few animals I've ever worked with that I actually feared. I've gotten more than a few good adrenaline rushes but with proper handling (and sedatives) almost any animal can be controlled safely. Rusty was one of the few animals that struck pure, raw, uncontaminated fear into my heart.

This dog was so mean he would growl and lunge at his lead as soon as anyone walked into the room. We had to ask the breeder to bring the dog in through the back door for fear he would attack the other animals in the waiting room. You could no sooner get near him without drugs than you could get near a wild grizzly. So the day his breeder paraded him into our clinic and told us she wanted us to collect a semen sample for artificial insemination was the first day I ever considered quitting and walking out the door.

Collecting a semen sample from a dog is not something most people would ever want to do. There is no magic potion you can give the dog which will make him compliantly ejaculate into a sterile container. Veterinary hospitals don't have windowless rooms with a TV and wide selection of doggie porn. The only way to collect a sample from a stud dog is to(forgive my crassness) manually jerk him off. Yes, I've done this numerous times and yes I'm quite good at it. (grin)

Now, if I were the doctor I would have told this breeder that in no uncertain terms would we ever be party to continuing the genetic line of that hairy baracuda. I think it is highly irresponsible to breed an animal for looks with no regard to temperament. But I wasn't the one who had to try and pay the bills for the hospital every month so the doctor told the breeder that we would give it a try.

The first thing you have to do is set the mood. Take the stud to a quiet room and bring in a bitch who is in season (without the scent of a bitch the stud will not usually get an erection) It doesn't have to be the bitch you want to inseminate, any bitch will do so long as she smells like she is ready to go.

Well, we brought in the bitch and Rusty tried to attack her. We found another bitch and Rusty tried to attack her too. The stupid SOB was so damned mean he couldn't even set his aggression aside long enough to get laid! So we slipped him a little valium in hopes of taking the edge off, no luck, he still tried to attack the bitch. So we took a towel and got some of the bitch's scent on it and tried waving it in front of his nose. He tore up the towel. We tried a little more sedative and he bit the breeder (better her than me.) Finally, the doctor gave up and the breeder took her half-drugged dog home.

Two weeks later we euthanized Rusty. He had mauled the breeder's five year old grandson and the boy was going to have to go through tons of plastic surgery to put his face and arm back together. Fortunately Rusty's line died with him because we never were able to get a semen sample from the land shark. I have to admit it, I was glad to see that dog die.

I feel horrible for that boy. He is a young man now and I hope that he has healed well, both physically and emotionally. I'm sure the breeder feels horrible about the attack but I have only limited sympathy for her. I'm sure she loved Rusty, but he was a dangerous animal with a history of unchecked and unpredictable aggression. The attack was preventable, I can only hope she learned her lesson.

I have a fuzzy brain and my sinuses are full of gunk so please excuse this lousy excuse for a post.

I have found that my screen name offends some people. I have been accused of being purposefully caustic and of trying to rub my lack of belief in people's faces. I guess I can understand why some people would feel this way although in my defense I must say that it was never my intention to be caustic or to do any face rubbing.

Last April I had one of those days where everytime I turned around I was being confronted by something obnoxious (yes, it is possible I was suffering from PMS but I can't say that for certain.) A new karate dojo had just opened in my neighborhood and I was excited to see if they would offer classes for 4 year old girls. I went to the studio where I immediately noticed a Jesus fish on the door. Okay, not the dojo for us. The big sign by the side of the freeway was reminding me that they were "Proud to be American, Proud to be a Christian." and everywhere I turned I saw W 2004 stickers on cars. I had spent several weeks looking for a secular pre-school program near our home (no luck...they all pray before lunch and most have Bible study) and I had just quit my membership to the local gym because every time I would go in to work out they would be playing really bad Christian rock music (and I would wake up with the damned stuff thumping in my brain at 2 in the morning..."My God is an awesome God!!") To top it off, I helped a lady get her groceries in the trunk of her car and she told me I was "such a nice, Christian young lady." Now, blame it on my state of mind but by the end of the day I had experienced about all the Jesus I could take and I was seriously having trouble being a godless mom in the Bible Belt.

That evening after Liz was in bed I established my blog account and typed in the first blog title I could think of. Then, when asked to come up with a screen name, I just put down the name GodlessMom, thinking it would pair me nicely in people's minds with the title of my blog. That was all the thought I put into it, there was no malice or derision intended, there really was no intention at all...It was just a name.

However, since I've realized that my screen name can be taken badly and might be offensive to some folks I have refrained from posting comments on certain blogs where I feel my moniker might be deemed offensive. That kind of sucks because while I do an awful lot of lurking I occasionally like to put in my two cents worth too!

So, I've thought about changing my screen name to something less GodlessMomish. Perhaps Penelope? I like the way that name rolls off the tongue. Or maybe I'll just go for broke and call myself Georgewbushcankissmywhitesuburbanass. That way there will be no mistaking my intentions at all!

I'll be back on Monday (hopefully with less snot in my head), I hope everyone has a great weekend!

I love listening to the various accents and regional dialects I encounter here in Houston. This is a big city and as a result I'm constantly running into people from all over the world. It cracks me up to think about how many people I encounter on any given day, each one of them technically speaking English yet each one of them speaking it in a dramatically different way. I guess it is really a testament to the amazing adaptability of the human mind that we can (usually) accustom our ears to any given accent and very quickly learn to understand one another.

Coming from Utah, I have a bit of a dialect myself. It isn't really thick, in fact I can count on one hand how many times my accent has identified me as not being from 'round these parts. For the most part I have a tendency to mispronounce words that end in the "eel" sound. When I'm hungry I sit down and eat a mill, when things are of little consequence they are no big dill, when I'm wondering if my hubby is in good health I ask, "How do you fill?" It's silly I know, but that is how Utahns speak and thus that is how I speak. I've made no effort to rid myself of my dialect, I'm not embarrassed by it, in fact I get a bit of a kick out of it.

A couple of months ago Scott and I noticed that Liz was starting to speak in a really strange way. She sounded like her nose was stuffy and she was really taking her time pronouncing certain words. I figured it was just her playing around with baby talk and I pretty much ignored it. Well, she wasn't playing around with baby talk, she was in the process of perfecting a Southern Drawl. She can now easily mimic your basic Georgia-Peach-Southern-Belle at the drop of a hat.

Two weeks ago it started again, only this time her consonants were becoming more clipped and her vowel sounds were rounding out and becoming smoother. Two days ago I figured out what she was doing, she is going for her own version of a British accent. I think it started with Harry Potter, add in a liberal helping of Monty Python with a side order of Pride and Prejudice. It is going to be the most screwed up accent imaginable...I love it!

Our neighbors next door are from Ghana...I imagine it's only a matter of time.

I don't know if this is for real. It will be interesting to watch it unfold if it is. It seems that Christopher Walken is running for President in 2008. I wasn't exactly thrilled the last time we had an actor in office (deregulation and the Gipper's tax policies hit my family hard) but anyone who wants to stir things up a bit is okay in my book.

Today is my 37th birthday and I woke up with a fever and a head cold. (Yes, I'd like some cheese with my whine) Cool, huh?

In the continuing tradition of the five questions game Little Bar of Soap was kind enough to come up with five questions designed specifically for me.

They are all very interesting questions and it was a lot of fun coming up with answers. Thanks Soapy, I hope my answers aren't too filthy!

If you'd like me to come up with 5 personalized questions for you then just leave a comment saying "Interview me!" and I will do so!


Question 1.) If you could meet five figures from the Bible (Old Testament and New), who would they be?

1. Eve. In the Judeo/Christian/Islamic religions blame has been placed on this woman for just about every ill that has befallen humanity. I don't buy it. religion has been perpetuated by men for the benefit of men. I'd like to hear Eve's side of the story from her own mouth.

2. Lucifer. Again, I'd like to hear his side of the story.

3. Job. I'd like to discuss what his God did to him. I'd be interested in his thoughts and feelings on the matter.

4 and 5. Jesus and Paul. I'd actually like to get these two in a room together, ask them some questions and get them to compare notes. First I would introduce them and let them know how entwined their histories have become. I would let Jesus know what has happened to his philosophy since Paul got ahold of it and how modern Christians have twisted and warped the beauty of his message. I would ask Paul what his original intentions were and then ask Jesus if Paul's intentions and the subsequent mushrooming of Christianity are something he would endorse.

Question 2.) If you had to become a member of a religious denomination/sect, which one would you choose, and why?

I would join a religion I just recently learned about...Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. It is the only one that makes sense. :)

Question 3.) If you could invite five people over to Sunday brunch -- whether they're currently alive or not -- whom would you pick?

This is a really tough question. My mind has gone down the really obvious paths, like Isaac Newton and Thomas Jefferson. I have also thought about people I've admired in my life like Sally Ride, Carl Sagan and John Conyers. Yet, when I really search my heart I realize that the people I would most like to talk with are those in my family whom I didn't get to know before their deaths. I'd invite both sets of my grandparents and the uncle I was named after. I have many questions I'd like to ask them and I'd like to introduce them to my daughter.

4.) If you could travel to 3 places in the world, what would they be?

Denmark (My grandmother's home), New Zealand (No, not because of LOTR. I am interested in the plant life.), The Galapagos Islands.



5.) What was the happiest day of your life (excluding wedding days and births of children)?

A day I spent at a cabin in the Uinta Mountains with Scott when we were in our early twenties. We hiked, skipped stones on the lake, played poker, ate yummy camping food on the porch and spent a lot of time in bed. It was wonderful.


Thanks again for giving me such great questions Soapy!

On a more serious note, the deadline for the Iraqi Constitution has come and gone. They ammended their interim Constitution to give themselves one more week. I don't envy them, they are up against some seriously difficult issues. Juan Cole put together a really great summary of the situation in his August 15 post.

It looks like the White House is finally starting to grasp reality. Check out this article from today's Washington Post.

Basically, the Bush Administration has finally admitted that the rose-colored glasses they've been wearing might in fact need cleaning.

From the article...

"What we expected to achieve was never realistic given the timetable or what unfolded on the ground," said a senior official involved in policy since the 2003 invasion. "We are in a process of absorbing the factors of the situation we're in and shedding the unreality that dominated at the beginning."

Among the things Iraqis can no longer expect from our administration? A viable working Democracy, sewer systems and electricity, security for their families and a united country. Aren't we looking like the heroes now?

In the article there is a quote by Judith S. Yaphe a former CIA Iraq analyst at the National Defense University that pretty much sums up the whole thing. "There has been a realistic reassessment of what it is possible to achieve in the short term and fashion a partial exit strategy. This change is dictated not just by events on the ground but by unrealistic expectations at the start."

Remember how we were going to be greeted as liberators? Remember how Iraq's oil was going to pay for this whole thing?

I wouldn't be surprised to see a pull out before the 2006 elections. Of course we will be pulling out following our "victory" and the people of Iraq will be left with no infrastructure and the chaos of civil war. Tomorrow is the deadline for the elected Iraqi government to come up with their new Constitution, it ought to be interesting.

The arrogance that led to this bullshit war makes me want to puke. Why are these incompetent bastards still in office? Why are our citizens still dying for this lie?

Running short on time today so I thought I'd bring back a silly poem I wrote for Scott a few months ago. Have a good one!



Running fingers through hair is highly overrated
I vastly prefer that men be bald-pated.

Patrick Stewart is hot with sexy aplomb
and so is that hunk Michael Rosenbaum.

Samuel L. Jackson? Oh My! Come Hither!
And spicy Vin Diesel? He makes my thighs quiver!

It matters not whether natural or shaven
That smooth, silky look is what I am cravin'

It is maleness expressed on a most basic level.
It is brains, it is brawn and a bit of the devil.

So bald men, stand tall! To Rogain say nay!
Shave off the comb-over and torch the toupee!

Because I know a secret that others have missed.
Those bright hairless domes just beg to be kissed.

I am privileged to sleep with one every night
his head on my pillow, his arms hold me tight.

My hubby, my soul-mate, my lover so hot.
My no-hair Adonis, my so sexy Scott!

I love the thought of living in a wind powered home. I have visions of sitting on the porch having my morning coffee in the shadow of the blades of my own windmill. Of course this house will be on Orcas Island because where else would one find paradise? (Now, whether Orcas Island has any available building sites that would be well suited for a wind-powered home, I don't know. This is my dream so let's just run with it.)

This research done by Stanford University shows the availability of wind power world wide...Just look at all that unused energy!!!

Can you imagine a cleaner, more eco-friendly way to live? Our planet is constantly embraced by the arms of our winds, who needs dead dinosaurs when the air around us can provide all the energy we need to power our homes? Add in a solar panel or two and voila! We are once again living in harmony with our planet.

Now I'm not naive, I realize that there is a great deal of money spent by the energy and automotive industries in order to ensure our continued reliance on fossil fuels. I know that the technology is in it's infancy and needs to be developed. But imagine for just one moment a world where our energy needs are met by the very things that we can find in our own backyards. Imagine air without pollution and a Middle East without war.

If I ever win the lottery I can tell you where my money is going. I'll be investing in the survival of our planet. I can only hope that we will learn the necessary lessons before it is too late.

Liz started dance class again after her summer break. She was so excited!

My mom started swelling up last night, her hands, legs and feet look like stuffed sausages. I took her to the doctor this afternoon and he thinks the swelling is due to her heart. I'm a bit depressed about this news.

I've been having trouble with my little old dog Echo. She has been losing weight lately and has started looking really boney. I bought some puppy food and added it to her regular diet and she has started putting on some extra ounces. As a result she has more energy and seems to feel better. I have no idea why her metabolism has gone into hyperdrive, I'm going to have to do blood work on her.

Here is the best news of all!!!

My sister's lymphoma/leukemia is officially in remission! She will have to do maintenance chemo every six months but it won't be nearly as bad as the stuff she has already endured. Three cheers for Jane!


Today's joke has nothing to do with Penguins.

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... Brought both paws together...Bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

I want to thank everyone so much for all the kind words and thoughts regarding my mom. Everything went very well, she is home now and only slightly loopy on pain pills. The doctor repaired a partial ligament tear and he feels she will recover full use of her arm within a few months.

My mom is a very tough broad. She is strong willed and fearless, tenacious and honorable. If I had to find one fatal flaw in her it would be the fact that she is very forgiving of imperfections in others yet completely incapable of accepting them in herself.

I remember sitting on my mom's lap when I was six years old, noticing for the first time the grey hairs that had started to pepper her brown curls. I knew my parents were older than the parents of most my contemporaries and to me grey hairs were a sure sign of impending death. I spent the next few weeks with a very large lump of fear in my chest. Mom could tell I was out of sorts, and she finally coaxed me into telling her what had caused my anxiety. She kissed me and gave a good humored laugh then sat down and drew a simple time line on a plain white sheet of paper. She told me that she would probably live to be about 80 years old and that she was just a little over half way there. She assured me that barring any unseen event she would be around for a good long time. I went to sleep that night with a much easier heart.

It was so difficult sitting next to my mom's hospital bed Thursday afternoon, looking at her pale skin and waiting for each breath. I knew on an intellectual level that she would be fine but on an emotional level I felt like that same six year old who had just discovered those grey hairs.

Her hair is completely grey now and her hearing isn't nearly as sharp, she suffers from normal old-age forgetfulness and her reflexes have slowed. However, she is still strong willed and fearless, tenacious and honorable. I can only hope that if I am lucky enough to reach her age I too will have the same traits. I found my first grey hair a couple of months ago, I guess I still have a ways to go and a lot to learn.

My mom is having surgery on her shoulder today. She messed it up a few weeks ago while she was moving some furniture. I occassionally wonder if I should remind her that she is almost 80 years old but I wouldn't want to burst her bubble.

I'm going to take a break from blogging until Monday so I can take care of my dad and help my mom.

On a different note...I don't know about you guys but it makes me sick that people are being tortured in the name of my country. Check out this Washington Post article.

Have a great weekend!

I saw the most amazing movie yesterday, The March of the Penguins. It is a French documentary (the US version is narrated by Morgan Freeman) that follows the Emperor Penguin through it's breeding season in Antarctica.

I can't tell you how impressed I was with this movie! I have a whole new respect for penguins and a whole new respect for documentary film makers.

Anyone who has ever watched a penguin swim can attest to the fact that in the water these animals are poetry in motion. On the land however, they are rather comical to watch. So I found it completely amazing that these guys WALK over 70 miles inland each year from the edge of the ice in Antarctica to their breeding grounds. They are monogamous during the breeding season and the incredible lengths each pair of birds goes through to bring a chick into the world will leave you floored!

I saw this movie at my local multi-plex, so it is out there and easily accessible. If you get a chance you should definitely see this one!

Liz and I belong to two playgroups.

We met the first group of ladies through the hospital where Liz was born. The education department of the hospital has a class/discussion group for new mothers. We all met shortly after the birth of our children (all of the kids in the group were born within three weeks of each other) and we have continued to get together for playtime ever since.

The second group of ladies all live in my neighborhood. The kids are much more diverse in age but we have geography in common and it is nice to network with other parents in the area.

In total there are 16 women with whom I regularly hang. Of those 16, 7 of them are on prescription antidepressants.

Now, I'm not Tom Cruise. I have no problem with medication and psychotherapy but the fact that almost half of the women I associate with take drugs in order to deal with their lives REALLY scares me.

I asked one of the ladies whether she ever considered getting off the medication. She told me that she feels like she is a better mom when she takes the drugs. She feels that she is more patient and more forgiving when she is doped up. I can't help but wonder where this will all lead. We convince ourselves that we are better when we are on drugs and we teach our children that drugs are necessary if you want to get through life. It's a dangerous trend.

Liz is at an age where she hates bedtime. Every evening when the clock hits 7:00 we let her know that bedtime is imminent and every evening she lets us know that she REALLY doesn't want to go to bed. This exchange has become so predictable that we actually factor the time it consumes into the whole bedtime routine.

Now Liz is a really good kid, she is has a very sweet temper and is actually quite reasonable for a four year old. So last week when she tried to use logic rather than whining to persuade us to let her stay up late we decided to let her have a taste of no-bedtime freedom. Scott told her that we would have a slumber party and she could stay up until she fell asleep on her own. Little did we know how her mind would take the idea and run with it!

We scheduled our slumber party for Saturday night. She had the entire thing planned in her head, we would eat her favorite foods, play her favorite games, watch birds and bake a cake. After dark we would take the telescope outside and look at the moon and the stars then it would be time for Xbox, movies and popcorn.

She was determined to spend the night in the living room and I was determined to sleep comfortably. I pulled the mattress off the guest bed and put it on the living room floor next to the sofa. We played Hi Ho Cherry-O and chess, we baked a cake and spent time playing Harry Potter on the Xbox. Finally, as 9:00 approached her eyes started getting heavy and her yawns came more frequently we all put on our pajamas and sat down on the mattress to watch The Incredibles. By 9:45 she was asleep on the sofa.

Scott and I continued to quietly putter around until about 11:00 then we both crashed on the mattress on the living room floor.

A couple of hours later I awoke to Liz climbing over me. I told her to climb back up on the sofa and go back to sleep. She immediately started protesting, saying that she had been told she could stay up as late as she possible and that she wanted to watch Barbie Fairytopia. It took me at least 15 minutes to get her back to sleep, she then proceeded to wake up every hour or two and ask if it was time to watch Fairytopia.

On top of the four-year-old with the Fairytopia obsession I also had to deal with a cat who couldn't quite figure out why the whole family was on the floor in the living room. He decided that I was his personal scratching post and spent the better part of the night digging his claws into my thighs.

Finally at 6AM I decided that it just wasn't worth the effort. I put the Fairytopia DVD in the player, made myself a pot of coffee and took the geriatric dog outside to pee.

The next time my husband plans a slumber party with our four year old I think I'll go have a slumber party of my own at the local Hilton.